So in the span of the last year, I have become adoptive mother to a cat named Papi.
Papi is a long haired, white cat who was apparently an old ass black man in his former life. His favorite foods include fried catfish, chicken tenders from upscale eateries, and fried green tomatoes. Im almost certain he is also stealing my freshly cut watermelon slices from the fridge. and yes I know. this is slightly stereotypical/intra-racist. eh.
Papi gives zero f!cks about anything other than his own personal needs. He is also spoiled as f!ck. He only drinks running water from the sink and sleeps in the bed. He loves to roll all over my bed and clothing , Which is a big issue considering the amount of dark colored clothing in my wardrobe. Which means that I go through a lot of f!cking lint/hair removers.
So yesterday, after a heated “co parenting” discussion, I was on my way to see Nikki Giovanni at the Civin Rights Museum. I had on a long, black, maxi skirt, and between the bedroom and thedoor, I managed to become covered in cat hair.
I keep a lint/cat hair roller in the car but it was out. Meanwhile a huge mosquitoes was getting WITH my ankles. Because it’s the south I also stay ready with some Deep Woods Off in the car and in my purse. It’s a war out in these streets ,mayne.
I spray myself down with it and pray that the smell will die down before I get to Nikki.
As I am hurriedly making my way to the counter where the 1.00 sticky rollers are located (aint no reason to buy one for much more than that. Trust me, the tape aint no damn stickier); this random guy attempts to gain my attention.
Loose ass dude: Slow down there girl, he gone still be there no need to knock me down
I politely smile and keep moving. He, of course, follows.
Loose ass dude: Where you headed in such a rush
Me: i hand my item to the cashier and ignore him
Loose ass dude: well you shole smell good to have such a stank attitude. What fragrance are you wearing
Me: Deep woods Off.
The cashier cant do nothing but laugh. Dude gets upset and walks off, im pretty sure he called me a bitch under his breath.
Meanwhile. Deep wood off doesn’t prevent attack from ALL insects. Duly noted.