Friday Foolishness: didnt your mother teach you better?

Friday foolishness… Didn’t your mother teach you better?




Yall, Look I don’t do internet beef and arguing.

Mainly for 1 reason, where im from we fight.

And that means that I am careful about how I approach people with whom I disagree and what I say when disagreeing.

I give respect until you disrespect me in all instances.

Why? Because I have both been popped and popped a muthaf!cka in the mouth for coming at me wrong.

You learn from those experiences. Which is why when I see these peeps online that pride themselves on “going In” and “going hard” on people via the internet I smh.

Because I know for a fact that these people “aint bout that life” in real life.

I was raised don’t say anything you would want someone to say to you and don’t hit anyone unless you are prepared to be hit back.

So imagine my surprise when this past week during a discussion on the role the school system plays in the education of a child some random ass chick decides to come at me sideways.

The disagreement was simple, I think that parents should reinforce and assist with the formal education of a child but that the school is the primary resource for formal instruction.

Several tweeters felt like the parent and other outside resources should be the primary resource.

I agreed to disagree and this chick tells me “she feels sorry for my child that they aren’t being taught at home”. It went downhill from there.

Now I don’t follow her she was just a part of the discussion I was having. So I don’t know her MO, nor do I care

My issue is that as a grown ass educated woman, I know how to disagree. I don’t hit below the belt or get personal because there is no need but I swear that at the end of our exchange, I was pissed the f1ck off.

Why because I knew that this chick is getting her life off of these type of interactions, that she has developed a following and made a name for herself by being “that bitch” when in real life “that bitch” is a lame scared little girl hiding behind a keyboard.

Also as a person with a masters degree in the dozens and prolific vocabulary of profanity resorting to either of those things would have made me look like a fool so I had to refrain.

And I hate refraining.



Because in a discussion about education and learning

I think displaying actual intelligence served me better.

And I hate that shyt. Cause I love the opportunity to be ignant.

Smh ….

That Awkward moment when......

Ok, I have been at my new job a little over a year. My manager is/was a crazy lady nearing retirement that really was all about retirement. My last meeting we spent about 3 minutes talking about my development and the rest of the time discussing her liking for “young’uns” and how she use to get it in when she was younger.


While discussing a new business proposal with a big prospective client she literally fell asleep on the call for 20 minutes.

Over the weekend my manager died.

We weren’t close, she wasn’t my favorite manager but she was aight. I find it sad that she was so looking forward to a new chapter in her life that she will never get to see.

I am sad for her friends and relatives.

I am sad about the fact that while I didn’t always agree with her methods I knew what to expect from her and now I have to learn all over again with someone new.

And then I came in to work today. And that’s when it started. All of the people looking at me , at her team expecting something?

What I don’t know. Tears? Outbursts? A dance off? Im not sure but I know its been awkward as hell.

The soft voices, the offering of unneeded Kleenex.

The faked and forced camaraderie of it all that was compounded by the fact that the systems have been down all morning so I had no way to block it out.

I don’t want to sound mean but gotdayum.

Sigh.

And then they brought in lunch and forced us to sit in a room while our director tried desperately to find something to talk about and ended up with 9/11.

Yes. Really.

And then when he finished we sat in awkward silence till the grief counselor came in.

I just couldn’t take it. Like I told him, I just want to go home. Im tired, Im already socially awkward, I don’t deal well with emotion and I wasn’t close to my manager,Hell Im not even close to my team. Some of my teammates have worked with her for years. 3 people have worked with her 10+ years.

They are grieving im sitting here trying not to look at them and feeling guilty for my lack of grief. Im frustrated and tired of people touching me and the soft voices and the awkward silence that follows the “how are you doing” When I answer “fine”.

Im just here.

Feeling a ton of awkward and weird and uncomfortable.

I feel the grief of everyone around me pressing down and I cant sympathize and my frustration at being forced to feel like I should feel some kind of way is preventing me from empathizing.



*sigh* and then I decide to leave for the day because I don’t want to deal with it anymore and out of habit I email my manager.



The return out of office message is both eerie and surreal.

this is probably disjointed and full of all type of spelling and grammatical errors.

imma just say my bad and chalk it up to the 7.5th stage of grief which is awkward stream of consciousness blog writing.

HOOD? Why is it a bad thing?

So a couple of days ago I was talking to one of my melanin challenged friends and she mentioned that she loves how “hood” I am. She continues on saying that she isn’t hood but she can deal with it.




I felt some kind of way about it but wasn’t to messed up about it. Later that week in a less polite conversation I was having with a co worker (who was full of melanin), she referred to me as “hood” as well with a derogatory tone and facial expression.

I got upset then, both at the tone and the usage.

I am sick of it really. This whole “Us vs them” mentality within the black community.

I grew up in the hood. I learned to read before the age of 3, write before 5 check/roast a ninja by 8 and fight by 10, all in the hood.

I played hopscotch, couldn’t let the streetlights catch me outside, had block parties, borrowed a cup of sugar, flour, and washing powder on a regular basis.

I hung clothes on a line. Had an old man that sat on the porch and drank 40’s out a brown paper bag. Ran through water hoses when it was to hot, and had to drink out that same water hose cause my momma told me if I “came inside I had to stay inside” I wasn’t “gone be running in and out the door running up her lectricity bill”. I got into fights, had people call me names. I ate watermelon on a stoop with the juice running down my legs. I didn’t win every battle or every award.

And yes there were others that were worse off. Yes there were others that slacked off. That hung on the corners, there were robbers, and thieves. I ve seen people shot, I ve been shot at, I saw and held a gun at an early age. However most of the people in the hood? Looked and thought like me.

Yes there were pitfalls. I went to schools were the funding wouldn’t allow us to have computers, or labs. I graduated top of my class but behind the digital divide.

I am the hood. Im not special, its not by God’s grace that I made it out but by his grace that I was there molded and raised in an environment of love and acceptance. Where everyone was fair game so no one was left out.

Where everyone did what they liked, with no regard for why or what or labels. Because we were all ultimately working for the same thing. To get ahead, to really live the American dream as we see it on tv.

But those of us that manage to get close to it…. Look back at the hood with disgrace. They don’t reach back and help.

They don’t remember the small gestures that helped them get out.

And so now hood has become something derogatory, something shameful.

When it shouldn’t be.

I am hood. Born and Raised. I speak well, I work hard, I give back. I know the value of the dollar and of hard work. I know how it feels to be stepped on, looked down upon and deal with lowered expectations.

I am hood. I am not ignorant or class-less. Tacky or uncouth. I am hood. Regular, Ordinary there are many just like me. Im not the 1% I am the 99.



So the next time someone calls me

hood.

I will respond gladly; Thank you.

Shay-D-Lady's #soyounowitsreal List

So the hubby and I celebrated our Anniversary on yesterday, June 19th.



It was a Tuesday so we didn’t do much at all and really after so long all you really want to do is eat some chicken, have a little naked playtime and go to sleep. And not necessarily in that order. Oh and don’t forget I proclaimed my love via facebook which means I meant it and he knows its real.



But anyway

so in the afterglow of love I was on facebook and I saw a link for the root article 12 signs You’re already in Love.

The article was ok. It just featured the stereotypical things we hear all the time.

I have decided to create a list of things that you don’t realize it but really mean you are in love


1. When you in the middle of a good conversation on the phone discussing the ratchet reality tv show and what you woulda did, they shoulda did, and what nobody betta do when your SO calls… Not only do you answer the phone but you try your best to mask the high pitched aggravated voice and not answer with “WHAT!”



2. When you say you going to the store, kitchen, etc ask if they want something they say no and right when you about to sit down and get comfortable they say “hey can you get me or can I have some ___________” and no only do you NOT cuss they a.s.s. out you get up and get it for them.



3. You let them drink out of your BOTTLE drink without making them open their mouth so you can pour it in old school style.



4. When their phone rings and you DON’T want to answer it.



5. When they leave their phone or their Facebook open and you DONT get up and go through the text message, instant messages, dm’s etc.



6. The fact that you’ve never had the “whats your body count” or the can I have your facbook, twitter, email password convo



7. When a friend or family member makes a joke that you’ve made about your SO A million times i.e. that big head a.$.$ ninja and you have to stop yourself from talking about they momma in retaliation. I can say it but ninja you done got way to comfortable LOL



8. When you root for different football, baseball, basketball, greatest rappers and take opposite sides in the Jay-z vs Nas debate and you emerge from said arguments with voice in tact and no one has been choked out.



9. When you go to take a bath and you realize your man has used all of your philosophy 30.00 as.s body wash/bubble bath running around smelling like peaches and cream and you just take a deep breath sigh and resign yourself to the Vaseline intensive care beads you keep in the pack of the cabinet for these types of emergencies.



10. After said bath you (the man) emerge smelling all peaches and creamy only to find your girl in your favorite t shirt, stretching it around her knees, ruining the shape and you are sure she is doing it because you used the last of her body wash (it makes your skin so soft) and instead of blowing up, you sigh and pull her as.s over onto your lap.







That’s it for now.. what you guys got?

BasketBall Wives and irony....

Okay so yall know I love the Basketball Wives.
I know its ratchet and the ladies are amped on 10 all the damn time but its funny and basically the ladies act out in ways we have been taught better than but Im sure many of us have wanted to do on more than one occasion . Okay ignore all that is grammatically wrong with that sentence but you get my point.

So I was watching and I witnessed the Tami and Keisha fiasco that took place on the last 2 episodes.
I am not going to go all in on Tami. She did handle the situation in a childish manner and she went way over the top with it.
I don’t have any sympathy for Keisha though because she is a throw the rock and hide the hands type of chick. She hyped up the whole fight with Kenya and Evelyn and relished in Kenya’s uncomfortable time in the hot seat.
Hey you live by the sword die by the sword. Turn about is fair play.. Karma is a bitch. Feel free to insert any other relevant quotes as you see fit.

What I find entirely ironic is the way the internets responded.
There were calls for boycotts and petitions being signed. Look I am not signing a petition for a grown woman making a decision to put herself in the cage with wolves. Im sorry, instigators and bullies are in the same boat in my opinion and I aint throwing not a nan one a life saver.
What tickled me even further is that many of these same twitterer’s, facebookers and blog commenters who were leading the charge regularly participate in mass internet bullying.
I mean I watched the internets get in an uproar and felt the same way I felt when Tammy talked about Keisha’s “childish behavior”.
The same way I felt when Evelyn cried over Tammy’s behavior but bullied Suzy out of Miami the first season.
She ran the chick Out of MIAMI! And turned her into this timid tell a tale spineless creature that vaguely resembles a woman.
Not to mention all of the plates and bottle throwing antics she has participated in since that time.
*Insert “ni%%a please face here*
These same anti bullying, anti ratchet peoples are the same ones
that go in on dumbest tweets for spelling and grammatical errors,
The same ones who will take a picture of someone’s kid and make it a trending topic (#youngstruggleface anyone?), the same ones who will gang up on a celebrity and @them rude shyt they will never say to their face (Remember the nude photo link of Brian White), the same ones that pride themselves on the number of “celebrities” that have blocked them because of this behavior.
These people *in my high pitched voice*
Now don’t get me wrong,
I loves me some dumbest tweets and ratchet gossip blogs and ratchet twitter comments and commenters. Hell most of my favorite follows are ratchet tweeters.
But lets stop living in the grey areas.
You cant twitter and facebook bully, berate and tirade and hide behind the “its just twitter, etc etc” excuse for ratchet mob mentality any more than Tami can defend her purse napping antics as doing a favor for Keisha.
Oh wait that did happen. LMAO
But anyway
We know what it is
And a spade is a spade
And ratchet is as ratchet does.
But hey these are just my thoughts.

Friday Foolishness:Gassed UP

Yall might not know this, but in the past I have had some issues with anger management.
After a few skirmishes, some court ordered assistance and the wisdom that comes with getting older, I have learned to keep it under control.
For the most part
Its been a minute since ive completely lost my temper and really the only real way I get “hear the ocean” mad is when its about my child or my money.
So earlier this week my friend invited me to a redbirds baseball game. She had free tickets in her job’s suite and it seemed like a pretty cool little deal.
On my way to her house, my gas light popped on. Now look, I can put on a front and act like Im not “that black person”, but I am. I haven’t filled my tank completely up in like 6 years.
So I stop at the nearest Exxon to put my regular 15 (20 if im ballin) in the tank.
As It gets closer to the 15.00 mark I start playing the timing game, where you try to make the pump stop at exactly the dollar amount you want vs like 15.03
I try to slow it down and notice that the pump seems to be stuck.
I hit the cancel button when at 15.15 I realized it was in fact stuck.
Didn’t work, I hit the call button like 15 times only for the slow ass cashier to finally say “how can I help you” when the pump was at 25.76
I tell the attendant that the pump was stuck and ask her to h it the emergency shut off on the inside.
She tells me it cant be stuck and she is on her way out.
33.76
I tell her to hit the shut off first, but of course she completely ignores it and slow walks her ass to my car
48.97
By the time she gets out there and sees that its really f!cking stuck, we are at 55 dollars. She hits the call button and tells whoever on the inside to hit the shut off. At this point my car is full to the brim and gas is spilling out.
57.55
I am f!cking livid at this point. I asked the lady how she planned to deal with this.
She decides to tell me that basically most of the gas “except maybe like 2.00 worth” went into my car. So…
At which point I was like
So the f!ck what/
I didn’t want to 57.55 of your raggedy as environment ruining, seal killing ass gas and I don’t intend to pay for that shyt.
She tells me to hold on “I aint got to be cussing” at her
Which only served to make me even more upset.
So of course, I told her to shut the f!ck up because 57.55 is probably half of her damn pay check so in my shoes she would be just as mad and instead of standing in my face looking stupid she needs to figure out a way to run me my mutha f!cking money.
(look in hindsight I know it was wrong…. Like I know. But got dayum it!)
She then threatens to call the police
I then threaten to beat her ass in the time it would take her to call and them to arrive.
My brow and top of my lip are now sweating.
People are now rushing away from the gas station giving us either the “look at those black people being … black look (white people)” or the “why yall gotta act like stereotypical ninjas (black people) look.
She seems to at least think that I am serious (I don’t really think I was but who knows) and asks me what I want her to do.
I tell her to get the manager who of course wasn’t there, so we walk back inside where she calls him on the phone. We speak and he says he will see what he can do.
I make him aware that his best bet is to refund me at least half of the funds or I will be forced to dispute the charge at my bank.
He kind of hedges but grudgingly agrees and I give the phone back to old girl who is looking at me like “what the f!ck just happened here”.
I politely thank her , write my information down, take the managers name, store and phone # and walk back to my car and leave.
I think I am going to blame this all on basketball wives and bad girls club.
So people when is the last time you completely lost your cool? Or is it just me?


***hear the ocean refers to the fact that when I get really, really mad, my face and neck gets hot and hear this loud whooshing in my ears that sounds like ocean waves…

A wedding and a dayum near funeral

So Saturday One of my male cousins on my father’s side got married.
Now due to a lot of past issues; me and my dad’s side of the family aren’t all that close overall. But this particular cousin, went to high school with me and his sisters and we have always gotten along pretty well.
My father’s side is uber religious. All of them are members and active participants in a small church in North Memphis. Its an old school missionary Baptist joint where they still pass out the cardboard martin Luther the kang fans on Sundays.
Afterwards the whole family congregates over my aunt’s house. Now a ritual on this side of the family is for all prospective mates to come over and basically ask permission to be a part of the family by coming over every week, calling my aunt “moma” and the whole nine.
Apparently my cousin decided that this was not to be the case this time and while he has continued to attend church and bring his then girlfriend, now wife over to visit on holidays and such she didn’t become a “family girlfriend”.
So before the wedding there was lots of “he marrying this girl we don’t even know” even though he has been dating her well over 2 years.
Well apparently during the wedding planning process our side of the family felt excluded and as such were feeling some kind of way at the rehearsal Friday night. I wasn’t there but what I do know is the bride was a little frantic and said a couple of thangs out the side of her mouth that rubbed his sisters the wrong way and it was all she wrote. A huge blow up happened, complete with lots of cussing and threats all up in the house of the lawd.
Despite all of that, the wedding goes off without a hitch with my side of the family still feeling pretty salty. But satisfied themselves with showing up in scene stealing outfits (they were SHAAAP you here me) and throwing plenty shade and side eyes all up and through the ceremony.
We make it to the reception and the pot that’s been simmering all day is at the point of overload.
Basically, the wife decides to call my cousin (the grooms sister) and tell her that her (the wife’s) family has stated they (grooms family) were being very rude and she was not going to have that at her wedding and they needed to get it together.
Now I went through a similar situation with my husbands family and the wife should have really talked to her husband vs calling the sister directly. But oh well, you live and you learn.

Before my cuz could respond the wife hung up and it was on and popping from there.
I cant quite recall what exactly happened next. But I do know it was loudly exclaimed that the wife was about to get her ass whooped up out her “cheap ass wedding dress”
And also several threats of turning over the “cheese sandwiches” and shutting “this bullshit” down.
Another male cousin manages to round us all up and get us to the back in effort to come together. I tell my cousin that hey you know if it’s a fight we can roll, but we really should attempt to let her brother have his day.
What we don’t realize is that their brother (the groom) is in a side room right behind us talking to his wife and has over heard all of the conversation.
When we get back to the reception area basically they are on one side coming out of their shoes and all of us are on another.
I mean these people were about to go to war.
Finally my eldest aunt exclaims that she is not about to get shot dealing with these ghetto people (referring to the wife’s family, lol the irony) and decides she is ready to go. Well since she is from Chicago and didn’t drive she basically rounds up my other aunts, including the mother of the groom, and they decide to go have a more tasteful lunch at the red lobster.
After that there is a mass exodus of my family leaving the groom, the bride, her family, the cheese sandwiches and wedding cake.

I stayed for a while longer, congratulated them and got my wobble and electric slide on and had a piece of the wedding cake.


Like I told my cousin, well hell she is a real member of the family now.
So how was your weekend?