Friday Foolishness... Im Ill Rah, Rah... Im ill!

I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch with my co workers Tuesday.
If you’ve never been to cracker barrel please read THIS by brokey mcpoverty. She does a great job of explaining it.

So I ordered chicken and dressing. But they were out of chicken? WTF so I ended up with some type of fish and dressing and I had to choose another side.
Apparently old time cookery involves a lot of lard.
So I could not eat any of the vegetables on the menu except for carrots, which I hate.
The waitress informs me that the macaroni and cheese is really good so I take her suggestion.
So I had fish and dressing, and macaroni and cheese.
A meal just ripe for foolishness.


We leave the restaurant and go back to work. Everything is fine at first but about 2 hours later I hear a weird gurgling sound. It caught me off guard and my first thoughts was “who the hell is brewing coffee at their desk?”
I should have known something was wrong right then because the cognitive ability of my brain had obviously been compromised.
Finally, when a stomach pain reminiscent of labor took over my body I realized the gurgling sound Id heard earlier came from my stomach.
After the pain passed,
I sat up in my chair trying to figure out what was going on.
And then
The urgency of the situation hit me and I rushed to the closest restroom.

The fury of hell opened up and unleashed a terrible and unholy plague on that bathroom. The swirls hit and it was a dizzying round of Tevin Campbell proportions.
A round and round we go.


I had broken a sweat; I was weary and weak and just when I thought there was not one single solitary drop of liquid left in my body
The dry heaves hit.

Someone opened the bathroom door “yelled Good LAWD” and immediately left back out.
I tried to make it to the sink to put a cold towel on my face but the dry heaves rendered me unable to take a step.
I ended up sitting on the floor of the bathroom stall praying to Allah, Jesus and Moses.
Hell I even through in a
Nam Myoho Renge Kyo for good measure!

After the dry heaves subsided I picked myself off the floor and rush to my desk to grab my keys and my phone and hit the door. Several employees that sat near the rest room, looked at me with smiling, knowing eyes but I didn’t have time to comment.
I live about 15 minutes away from my job so I knew I had to act fast. I walked as fast as I could without running into the parking lot.
Of course I was parked at the far end of the parking lot. It was lterally 110 degrees and the lack of fluids, the stomach cramps, and the bubblies made the walk seem unending.
I had to concentrate to move as every muscle in my body was screaming at me “just give up and quit right here”.
When I finally got in the car and looked at the time I realize that I had to have been in the bathroom for over an hour.
I close my eyes start the car and continue my prayers as I could feel the rumbling and bumbling start up again.
My knees rocked back and forth as I did 60 mph in th 40 mph zones between my job and my home.
After what seemed like an eternity,
I made it home without incident by the grace of God.



So for the last couple of days I have been on a steady diet of water, crackers and vitamin water/Gatorade/powerade.


How has your week been